People nowadays are really conscious of their self-appearance, especially me.
I’m one of those who stay long time in front of the mirror before leaving the house to go to school, to work, or go anywhere. The reason is that I’m not one you can admire because of my looks. I don’t have that great body figure that can melt a girl’s heart away.
At one point I aspired and wished to become a vocalist for a band, or a band instrument player that everyone idolizes, but I just don’t have what it takes.
Ever since childhood I always move along trying to improving myself, wanting to be appreciated and noticed by other people, especially by those I have special feelings for. I was always on the lookout for the right products that would make me feel satisfied when I look in the mirror. “Who’s the handsome of them all?”, I talk to myself in front of the mirror, because my answers are the only ones I can accept.
I closely examine all corners of my face. I stand sideways in the mirror and gaze at my stature, my clothes, my whole self. I will just stand there and stare thinking what else do I need to improve my looks.
My teen years were tough when appearance became more and more significant. I think back to those long hours standing in front of the mirror staring at the huge zit on my face thinking how I am going to get it off before someone sees it. I remember trying out “Master Eskinol, Secreto ng mga gwapo” (handsome hunk’s secret) skincare product, but still pimples keep coming out and my face got a lot worse.
In my attempt to get my crush’s attention I have even tried a skin whitening soap to make my skin fair, but it wasn’t effective as girls don’t seem to care much about a man’s skin tone.
I experimented with my hair style and changed my wardrobe, from shoes to accessories. These didn’t work either. I was still invisible to others.
There was a period when I decided to enrol in a gym class attempting to achieve an “abs of steel” in a few months time. After weeks of working out I started seeing results and I could see good muscles in my arms and abs. I walk through our street and it felt like everyone was looking at me in a different way (or was it just my imagination). Women I pass look at me straight in the eyes. I was even approached by a girl and asked for my phone number. But my hunk body didn’t last long. One day I was rushed to the hospital for an emergency appendicitis surgery. I was inactive for some time and then I completely lost my desire to go back to the gym. My body dropped down and I was back to my flabby self.
My appearance did improve as years passed but it took time and it was a slow journey. But I still felt I lacked something overall. I was perpetually unsatisfied with the way I look. I wanted everyone that I admire to like me. When they don’t and I’m heartbroken, I instantly become depressed.
I get headaches thinking “why, what’s going on with me?”
No one knew this. During bouts of self pity I cry alone in my room. Being the darkest skinned among my brothers always affected a part of me secretly. Those tears of self pity because of my appearance, because I was different in my style, my actions, in the way I think. It seemed I lost the feeling of being acceptable and presentable.
Then one day, for whatever reason, I found myself looking in the mirror that once showed my flaws… this time in a different way.
With a simple shift in attitude I finally found the courage to look in the mirror and see a person who is so full of potential, a precious being, a gift from above, a unique person inside and out, a result of love and hope.
After all this time I was placing my attention on the outward image while ignoring my inner connection with God. I didn’t realise He’s always been on my side and His love is reflected in me.
I was never satisfied because I was looking at myself the wrong way!
What I couldn’t see under this all is God’s glorious creativity within me. I am special because I was made in the very image and likeness of God.
Knowing Him is to know yourself and your potential to greatness. God is more than enough to fill up our inner emptiness. In knowing Him we can find satisfaction.
I have learned to appreciate my flaws, look at whatever hateful thing I saw in myself as part of who I am. I no longer pity myself, no longer envious of my brothers’ and other people’s strengths. I embrace my true self exactly as it existed, zits and all.
It all starts in our hearts - the change in how we see ourselves.
Surrender your hearts under the care and guidance of God.
Our hearts are capable of accepting anything be it happiness or pain. Even if it takes a long time, our hearts are able to heal. You nourish your heart by learning to love yourself as God loves you, accept everything about you. Believe God has moulded you into loveliness and a person with full potential. If sometimes you feel things are not fair and you feel trampled on by others, just accept and learn to overcome. Look at it as an opportunity for spiritual progress then go forward with your faith undaunted. Remember if God allows these sufferings it is because he wants us to learn and come out of these trials as a person not easily broken.
Our hearts can do us harm too. If we let it plan its way without God’s guidance, our hearts can explore things we have no understanding and may lead us in the wrong direction.
“I know, my God, that you examine our hearts and rejoice when you find integrity there.” 1 Chronicles 29:17
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. “ Matthew 7:7
Our Mind enters when our hearts can’t bear a situation and can’t see the bigger picture.
Our mind helps us to think, ask, and look for answers. What are we going to do, how will we react, and how will we make the decisions that will influence our actions.
Continue to search for God. Nourish our minds by learning God’s words and His ways. Fill your mind with the things of God. This will give us wisdom, knowledge and understanding.
We should teach our minds to explore more about his grace, and use this as guidance to make the right decisions.
Again, without God’s guidance our minds can explore things we have no understanding and may lead us to troubles in the end, because our minds can cause us harm too.
Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how God and pleasing and perfect his will really is.” Romans 12:2
Let your heart and mind work together toward God, for then and only then will your body follow.
If we don’t recognise our connection with God, we tend to abuse ourselves. Many of us don’t care for our bodies as we know we should. We follow the directions of other people and accept many things without thinking whether they are right or wrong.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts.” Psalm 139:23
Through my childhood up till now, I know through my own experiences God has always been there guiding me all through my up and down moments. I rejoice finding obstacles in myself, since embracing and overcoming them brings me closer to Him. If you just let your heart and mind be nourished by wonderful things about God, and allowing it to flow through your body, you could become the perfect person that sees beyond his outer flaws, the role model for others to follow.
The path to knowing God personally is never-ending. My journey continues as my life goes on.
I still run into big problems every now and then and my life seems to have become much more complicated lately. But so long as I know in my heart, mind and body that God dwells within me and in each one of us, and is there watching our every move, his words guiding us in all that we do.
I know right now, God is talking to you, like He does to me.. All you have to do is listen.
God Bless and thanks for reading my story.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Jigsaw Puzzle
I went to mall last week for a short stroll, just to refresh myself on what’s new and latest trends in clothes, computers, and movies.
I checked every shop for special deals and new arrivals. I got a little tired walking and my window-shopping somehow got boring until I browsed through the “Toy World” shop.
I remember those times in the Philippines.. Every time I go home from work, I always end up window-shopping in this mall that is directly connected to my train station (MRT). The mall is also along the main road (EDSA) where I can find either bus or taxi whenever I miss my train.
I had one favourite toyshop in that mall. I remember spending hours looking through those matchbox cars and those little action figures that I dreamt of having when I was kid. If I had the money to blow I would have bought all those toys so I can display them in my room, to satisfy my childhood dream to become the supreme ruler of toys, own them in all possible ways.
So I entered the “Toy world” shop and I felt just like child again while walking around this store. I was imagining myself playing with these amazing toys. It’s a refreshing place to escape real life for a while, forget about your work your busy schedule and escape from your troubles.
As I wandered around the back end of the shop that doesn’t seem to be browsed through that much, I found the learning toys or those toys that encourage creativity and curiosity.
For some reason, there’s one toy that captivated me all of a sudden.
This is a “jigsaw puzzle” of a stunning picture. It’s so cleverly done holding hundreds of pieces in perfect position. The surface has got a glossy finish that reflected my face as I looked through.
As I stood there looking at the pieces in this puzzle, I started thinking about the “pieces” in my life - my family, my friends, the people I loved, events, achievements and celebrations.
I closed my eyes and looked back over the jigsaw puzzle of my life. There’s such a mixture of good and bad, joy and tears, happiness and sorrow. Every person, situation, goals, and trials - each one signifies a piece of my puzzle.
There are pieces that were hurtful. There are pieces that seemed out of place.
However each piece plays an important role.
And when enough time passes for every piece to ease into perfect place, there will be a big picture. A beautiful picture will reveal itself, one that represents myself, my character and my achievements.It will be a picture of hard work, an image of what God wants me to be.
I wonder how my puzzle is going to look like in the end? Am I near complete?
How much more pieces are there to be laid? Will I ever find all my pieces? I want to see the big picture.
But one thing for sure, there’s one piece that stands out as the most important piece in my life. It is my corner piece and it anchors my puzzle. From this corner piece I frame the image I am piecing together. This piece gives me an idea of what my image would be and how wonderful it would all look like.
This piece is God.
God is my strength and my cornerstone and I build my puzzle in the direction
He guides me. Knowing I have God’s guidance gives me hope in whatever I do. He helps me realise that those pieces of my past and present that have caused me pain are there to complete the picture and how he wants me to use them in my life.
I am grateful for the pieces of my life’s puzzle that I have found through experience and commitment to knowing God and his word. They have built my character today and a glimpse of what God has meant for in my life.
It takes a lot of effort to find the right pieces of the puzzle. Some pieces take more time and come harder. However God helps me to understand that my puzzle fits together in His own design and time. Gradually as my pieces fall into place, I am being molded into the man God has destined me to be.
Remember how the Lord your God led you through the wilderness for forty years, humbling you and testing you to prove your character, and to find out whether or not you would obey his commands. Deuteronomy 8:2
I believe God wants us to be a part of other’s life puzzle too. He wants us to be willing to be used by Him to warm and touch other people’s hearts and to draw hurting people closer to Him.
Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:7
When I look back over my life I can’t help but wonder what kind of piece am I to other’s puzzle.
Was I a great fit or did I just try to make myself fit, to the point of forcing it even if it wasn’t meant to be?
Two of my friends met their husbands through me.
I’ve led someone to pursue his talents and take up the right course in college.
One found true happiness through my encouragement and advise.
I’ve shared some of my ideas that made them successful in what they do.
But it’s not all positive..
I’ve given other people headache because of my shortcomings and wrong decisions.
I’ve created hurts to others because of my lack of regard for their feelings.
I’ve done a lot of really painful things in my life.
I’m not perfect but I try to be the best person I can be. The parts of me that are not pleasant I try to change. I try to make good things happen, but if they’re just not meant to be I’ve also learnt to let go and just listen to my heart and trust the Lord.
There may be situations in our lives that have caused us to ask ourselves - Where am I going? What am I called to do? Why me? Why this?
Instead of searching for answers, I just keep going on. I believe it is because of these pieces that other pieces are able to ease into place. Without those pieces I won’t be able to move on. Even though they cause me pain and heartache, they bring me one step closer to being complete. They make me the person I am today.
Let’s start putting pieces of our puzzle together. Fill the empty spaces. It could be very frustrating at times but extremely rewarding each time you find a piece that fits. If you find it difficult to look for a missing piece, stop and take a step back. The answers could just be right in front of you all along.
Let’s not shy away from “being a piece”. Inspire others by sharing who you are and how you have succeeded. Help them through their pain because you’ve walked a lot of those pains. Make a difference in their lives through your kindness.
Go in search for all the pieces of your puzzle across life.
Never give up with a piece that hurts.
And I hope it’s God you’ve found first in your jigsaw puzzle…
He sees the big picture, He knows what piece go where.
He will help you piece it all together.
PS:
Just recently, I was fortunate enough to witness and capture the talent of young kids in this video link.Somehow I feel I’m a fitting piece in their life’s puzzle.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHoZUfXUbdQ
I checked every shop for special deals and new arrivals. I got a little tired walking and my window-shopping somehow got boring until I browsed through the “Toy World” shop.
I remember those times in the Philippines.. Every time I go home from work, I always end up window-shopping in this mall that is directly connected to my train station (MRT). The mall is also along the main road (EDSA) where I can find either bus or taxi whenever I miss my train.
I had one favourite toyshop in that mall. I remember spending hours looking through those matchbox cars and those little action figures that I dreamt of having when I was kid. If I had the money to blow I would have bought all those toys so I can display them in my room, to satisfy my childhood dream to become the supreme ruler of toys, own them in all possible ways.
So I entered the “Toy world” shop and I felt just like child again while walking around this store. I was imagining myself playing with these amazing toys. It’s a refreshing place to escape real life for a while, forget about your work your busy schedule and escape from your troubles.
As I wandered around the back end of the shop that doesn’t seem to be browsed through that much, I found the learning toys or those toys that encourage creativity and curiosity.
For some reason, there’s one toy that captivated me all of a sudden.
This is a “jigsaw puzzle” of a stunning picture. It’s so cleverly done holding hundreds of pieces in perfect position. The surface has got a glossy finish that reflected my face as I looked through.
As I stood there looking at the pieces in this puzzle, I started thinking about the “pieces” in my life - my family, my friends, the people I loved, events, achievements and celebrations.
I closed my eyes and looked back over the jigsaw puzzle of my life. There’s such a mixture of good and bad, joy and tears, happiness and sorrow. Every person, situation, goals, and trials - each one signifies a piece of my puzzle.
There are pieces that were hurtful. There are pieces that seemed out of place.
However each piece plays an important role.
And when enough time passes for every piece to ease into perfect place, there will be a big picture. A beautiful picture will reveal itself, one that represents myself, my character and my achievements.It will be a picture of hard work, an image of what God wants me to be.
I wonder how my puzzle is going to look like in the end? Am I near complete?
How much more pieces are there to be laid? Will I ever find all my pieces? I want to see the big picture.
But one thing for sure, there’s one piece that stands out as the most important piece in my life. It is my corner piece and it anchors my puzzle. From this corner piece I frame the image I am piecing together. This piece gives me an idea of what my image would be and how wonderful it would all look like.
This piece is God.
God is my strength and my cornerstone and I build my puzzle in the direction
He guides me. Knowing I have God’s guidance gives me hope in whatever I do. He helps me realise that those pieces of my past and present that have caused me pain are there to complete the picture and how he wants me to use them in my life.
I am grateful for the pieces of my life’s puzzle that I have found through experience and commitment to knowing God and his word. They have built my character today and a glimpse of what God has meant for in my life.
It takes a lot of effort to find the right pieces of the puzzle. Some pieces take more time and come harder. However God helps me to understand that my puzzle fits together in His own design and time. Gradually as my pieces fall into place, I am being molded into the man God has destined me to be.
Remember how the Lord your God led you through the wilderness for forty years, humbling you and testing you to prove your character, and to find out whether or not you would obey his commands. Deuteronomy 8:2
I believe God wants us to be a part of other’s life puzzle too. He wants us to be willing to be used by Him to warm and touch other people’s hearts and to draw hurting people closer to Him.
Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:7
When I look back over my life I can’t help but wonder what kind of piece am I to other’s puzzle.
Was I a great fit or did I just try to make myself fit, to the point of forcing it even if it wasn’t meant to be?
Two of my friends met their husbands through me.
I’ve led someone to pursue his talents and take up the right course in college.
One found true happiness through my encouragement and advise.
I’ve shared some of my ideas that made them successful in what they do.
But it’s not all positive..
I’ve given other people headache because of my shortcomings and wrong decisions.
I’ve created hurts to others because of my lack of regard for their feelings.
I’ve done a lot of really painful things in my life.
I’m not perfect but I try to be the best person I can be. The parts of me that are not pleasant I try to change. I try to make good things happen, but if they’re just not meant to be I’ve also learnt to let go and just listen to my heart and trust the Lord.
There may be situations in our lives that have caused us to ask ourselves - Where am I going? What am I called to do? Why me? Why this?
Instead of searching for answers, I just keep going on. I believe it is because of these pieces that other pieces are able to ease into place. Without those pieces I won’t be able to move on. Even though they cause me pain and heartache, they bring me one step closer to being complete. They make me the person I am today.
Let’s start putting pieces of our puzzle together. Fill the empty spaces. It could be very frustrating at times but extremely rewarding each time you find a piece that fits. If you find it difficult to look for a missing piece, stop and take a step back. The answers could just be right in front of you all along.
Let’s not shy away from “being a piece”. Inspire others by sharing who you are and how you have succeeded. Help them through their pain because you’ve walked a lot of those pains. Make a difference in their lives through your kindness.
Go in search for all the pieces of your puzzle across life.
Never give up with a piece that hurts.
And I hope it’s God you’ve found first in your jigsaw puzzle…
He sees the big picture, He knows what piece go where.
He will help you piece it all together.
PS:
Just recently, I was fortunate enough to witness and capture the talent of young kids in this video link.Somehow I feel I’m a fitting piece in their life’s puzzle.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHoZUfXUbdQ
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